How Milkshakes Changed My Life.

This has been on my mind for a while now, and its morphed into something like a wild animal. In our lives, we are the stars. Your life is a movie about you. Have you ever wondered though, how many photos are taped into albums with you blurred in the background? How many people have you walked past, and they thought about you later that day? How many people have YOU walked past and thought of later that day?
Let me give an example. I was eleven or twelve, that's a pretty trivial detail, and it doesn't really matter, but that was it. Eleven or twelve. I was in Florida on vacation and we all decided to take a walk to a soft serve place down the street from our condo. The place is long gone now, but back then it was the best thing ever. It swirled the biggest cones, it was heaven. They also did milkshakes, which is what this twenty-four-ish guy was after. He was blonde, had on cargo pants and a white t shirt, and leaned on one elbow as he told the lady behind the counter to make him a vanilla shake, and make it thick. He wasn't going to pay for it if it wasn't thick. For some reason, I remember everything about this guy, from the look on his face to the tone of his voice. He wasn't trying to be mean or anything, he just wanted to get his money's worth of milkshake. Now, every time I make a milkshake at Baskin Robbins, I remember this guy and wonder where he went in life. What happened to him? Did he get what he wanted? Not the milkshake, but everything else. Did he achieve his dreams? Does he have a family now? Or is he dead?
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've realized this weird thing, that everyone has a different movie that they're staring in. That woman you just passed on the side walk, shes been married for fifteen years and her husband wants a divorce. That guy you stood behind in the ticket line at the movie theater, he's going to win award for his cinematic genius one day. The cashier at the check out line in the grocery store, she's working three jobs to pay the bills.
While you're the star in your movie, you're merely the extra in another's. Yeah, I guess that's it.

Gay Rights.

My heart jumped this morning when I heard about the Supreme Court hearings on same-sex marriage. Of course, like I always do, I broke out the handy dandy Google and did some reading. I am beyond excited at the possibility of equal rights for everyone, but at the same time, I'm tired of these rights being debated. It should be common sense. Those who oppose same-sex marriage are stuck in the past, pulling out excuses like "Marriage is for procreation!" and "Children can't be raised properly without a woman and a man!" God, it makes me sick.

Yeah, marriage used to be for procreation, but seeing as how overpopulated planet Earth is today, it seems irresponsible to get married for the soul purpose of making more babies. There are tons and tons of poor, parent-less children in the world, wishing and hoping for someone to take care of them and love them. Why the hell do people think its a smart idea to just leave these children in orphanages and on the streets and make more instead. Why would you leave a child hungry and alone like that? I'm completely at a loss to some people's thought processes. They're too selfish to comprehend.

Another factor playing a part in the fluctuation of the purpose of marriage is women's rights. Women aren't property anymore like they used to be considered. They don't live with their parents until they're woo'd by some dude who takes her to his place so she can clean his house and have a ton of kids. Women play huge parts in the workplace, politics, you name it. Women aren't cattle, women aren't to be bought and sold, and women aren't for making children. Therefore, neither is marriage. Once men and women reached equal rights, it was all over. Marriage was no longer a business deal between a man and the girls dad, it was no longer the guy going shopping for a girl to have his kids. It became a partnership between two people made out of the love that they shared, it became a commitment to each other, it was a sign of the bond that they shared, not a contract for baby making.

And why do opposers think that a child needs a man and a woman to raise them in order for them to grow up to be a good person? Take a look at how many traditional couples fuck their kids up. They beat them, they steal their medication, they sexually, physically, and mentally abuse them, they neglect them, the list goes on and on. How can you say that a gay couple would make bad parents when you aren't even good parents yourselves. I bet they would be just as loving and caring and give just as much attention to the wants and needs of their children as a heterosexual, traditional couple would. God, society is filled to the brim with hypocrites.

Why are our eyes still closed? Why is same-sex marriage even being debated? Love is love is love is love. Let two people love each other! How does it even effect you! If you don't like it, marry someone of the opposite sex, but don't ruin someone else's happiness because it conflicts with your closed minded, hypocritical, old fashioned views. Have we forgotten the civil rights movement? Have we not learned from the past? In the words of the musician Macklemore, "No freedom till we're equal, damn right that's important." I completely support my own and everyone's right to love and marry whomever we want to. No one should be discriminated against because of who they love. No one. Mutual respect and compassion, people, lets get on it.

Sex Education.

So I'm pretty concerned about the rising generations sex education. So many schools are preaching abstinence and depriving students of crucial knowledge about their bodies and sex in general. Instead of explaining how to prevent things like STIs and pregnancy, school systems are scaring teens with shock photos and horror stories to try to prevent them from ever having sex. This causes plenty of things that really scare me.

My number one problem with school systems that teach abstinence instead of giving the students real and helpful information about diseases and contraception, is that they equate sex with guilt. Suddenly the students think sex is some terrible sin and something to feel guilty about. Having such a negative emotion associated with sex can ruin sex for the students forever. They will be unable to share the experience with anyone because of how guilty and bad it makes them feel. They also feel unable to talk to their parents about sex because they feel like they'll get in trouble, like they'll be reprimanded and punished. Sex is not a bad, horrible thing. It is natural, and turning it into something guilt ridden and shaming is wrong on so many levels.

Second, ignorance is NOT bliss. Do you think that just because you don't teach students about something as natural as sex that they just won't do it? Oh no, everyone has sex. Lets think realistically. When I was in Sex Ed. class in high school, my classmates and I were shown disgusting photos of genetelia infected with STIs. These pictures were gruesome and unnecessarily graphic. Instead of showing us pictures of the first stages of STIs so we would be able to recognize them in the unfortunate event that we got one, they showed us full blown STI ridden tickly bits in order to scare us out of doing the jiggly dance. This was so detrimental. Because of this terrible teaching method, I bet dozens of teens waited until their nasty parts looked like ground beef before they actually went to the doctors, and at that point it would have been too late.

On an infinitely more serious note, preaching abstinence actually does the opposite and as a result increases the probability of STI and pregnancy. Teens are going to have sex. They're overwhelmed with hormones and they're impossibly curious. Just because you tell them not to haves sex doesn't mean they aren't going to, it just makes them feel badly about it and behave irresponsibly about it. They don't know to use condoms and using condoms may even be discourages in favor of abstinence. They could have no access to contraception and as a result contract an STI or become pregnant.

So I'm obviously at a loss as to why some people think its a good idea to teach students to not have sex instead of teaching them how to take care of themselves and be responsible. You're diluting yourselves if you think that the students aren't going to have sex just because you told them not to. What better thing to do that arm them with the knowledge and ability to protect themselves? By preaching abstinence in this modern and dangerous world, you are doing your students, your children, and your future generation a disservice. It is holding back progress. The need for change is obvious,

Please and Thank You.

Thank you. Two words, two syllables, ingrained into our minds by the people who raised us, and quite often over looked and underestimated. They express gratitude, they show acknowledgment to another for an impact they had on your life. As children we were taught that this was the most important word we could ever speak, but it goes hand in hand with another word, this one not so easy.

Please. The hardest word you will ever speak, and because of that, it is hardly ever spoken. It is a request, a favor, a pleading. It is vulnerability. Humanity as a whole would love to never have to utter such a word. To do so would mean to put yourself in another's hands and leave yourself open for rejection.

Society has become cruel and cold hearted, equating favors with mooching and turning away those truly in need. Please is laughed at, and the resulting hurt kills what would have been a closely following thank you. We live in an age ruled by money and driven by the philosophy "Whats in it for me?". We wait for others to give us something before we even consider giving them something in return, when truly it should be the other way around. We should be helping those who ask without a second thought, not turning them away because they may not have any way to help us. Why do people steal? Because they need something and they're too afraid to ask. Why are they too afraid to ask? Because they've been taught that if they make themselves vulnerable with please, their thank you will never be heard over the laughter and rejection. That knowledge catches the words in their throats and fills them with resentment.

It is this lack of mutual respect and compassion that is stimulating all the hate and cruelty evident in our society today. We hardly have any good examples of true morality any more, religion is corrupt, politics are seedy and slight handed, parents beat each other and divorce, and the school system is stripped down to a jail of math and science until the "liberating" age of eighteen. How can we tell people not to steal if we refuse to satisfy their choked out please? How can we tell people not to rape if we have no good example of respect and compassion to show them? How can we tell gay people what love is if the rates of domestic violence and divorce make it obvious that we have no clue either? How can we yell and fight about how society is falling to pieces when the answer to our problems is something we refuse to do on a daily basis?

Hear the please. Receive the thank you. Show the world that the heart is not only a beating, bleeding muscle, but a compassionate, giving, uplifting and selfless attitude. Change how we view each other, be the example others need. Help turn humanity from the divided, screaming pit of self serving monsters it is back into the unified, warm, encouraging family we know it can be. By satisfying the please, you take away the resentment and warm the jaded heart. By receiving the thank you, you are receiving the only thing you should ever want in return, acknowledgement and gratitude for the impact you've had on someone's life. Help me transform humanity.

Please.

A New Chapter.

I have now officially changed my college major from Choral Music Education to Communications with a minor in Women's and Gender Studies. Please take a moment to admire the exultant tones of the Hallelujah Chorus as I take a deep breath and realize that everything is going to be alight.

For the past eight months I have been struggling with the worst self esteem and confidence. I have been plagued with crippling stress and anxiety. I have been extremely unhappy and I was too afraid to mess things up to ever do anything about it. I was disappointed with the path I had chosen for my life; I was keeping with the same old same old. I had always stuck with music no matter what. It's what I did all through school, its what kept me going to church with my family, and its what kept me sane when shit hit the fan my senior year. So when college came around, it seemed only natural and oddly expected that I would chose music as my future profession.

That was my first mistake, I refused to seek out other options and explore other possibilities. I didn't ask any other music majors what it was like, I just decided to do it and stuck with it. Now, looking back, its obvious what a bad choice that was. I would hardly make an even half decent teacher and choir is my least favorite class. Turning music into a 24/7 ordeal was the worst part, it turned my muse into my chore. It was heartbreaking. I lost confidence in my voice and in my abilities as a musician, not because I wasn't good at it, but because I didn't love it in the "I can do this all day every day for the rest of my life" kind of way. I sought out help and encouragement from my professors and received none. Apparently its department policy to encourage the students to change their major if they express any interest in anything at all whatsoever.

My second mistake was sticking with it for so long even though I was miserable and falling apart at the seams. I first considered changing my major in my first semester of college, only a month or so in. The classes had picked up, which was fine, I've never struggled academically, but my voice lessons hadn't.  I felt like I wasn't improving. I didn't like the sound of my voice anymore, I sounded too jazzy when I was trying to sing classically, choir was the most grueling thing I'd ever endured, and no matter how hard I practiced, I felt like nothing ever seemed to change. But instead of following my instincts then, I decided to wait another semester and see if anything would change. Nothing ever did, in fact, things got worse.

And now I feel a huge, unwelcome weight lifted off of my shoulders and I feel happier and freer that I have ever felt. I've taken my life in my own hands and I've pushed it in a new direction. I do still have to finish my classes for the semester, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and it is so enticing. I cannot wait to see what my future has in store for me.

Like I said before, you've never known true elation until you have followed your dreams.

We Really Haven't Come That Far.

Boom. Anyone else see a problem here? Maybe more than one problem? Yesterday got my mind going about things that shouldn't be happening in the world. Those thoughts carried over to now and the result was this screen shot, which was taken from the handy dandy Google, the original of which you can see here. It's nothing special, just the definition of the word "marriage", but also a testimony of how we really haven't come that far.

First thing that caught my eye: "The formal union of a man and a woman." Ok. Yeah, cool, but it seems to be missing something. Let's go with the obvious. Haven't we been fighting for gay rights since before I was even born? I really don't think I have to continue or elaborate, we've all heard it, but have we really heard it? Apparently not, because marriage is still defined as "The formal union of a man and a woman", not "The formal union of whoever the hell wants to be formally united."

Second thing that caught my eye: "Typically recognized by law." What does the law have to do with marriage? Oh yeah, it "recognizes" your marriage so you can pay more taxes and give it more money. The biggest reason, in my opinion, that gay marriage is such a huge issue, is because the government thinks it can have some kind of input into who can love who and how much money they can get out of it. Marriage used to be two people taking some family and friends somewhere and pledging commitment to each other out of the love that they share. What does that have to do with the law? What does it have to do with anyone except the two people involved? It doesn't. It's no one else's business or place.

It's disgusting how entitled people act now. We all constantly feel the need to force our opinions on other people, or even express them, when really it's not our place. I'm even doing it right now by writing this. The love and commitment shared between two people is nobodies business but their own. It shouldn't be debated or questioned. It is their own personal decision, and the fact that society thinks they can make that choice for them really hurts my heart. Love is love is love is love is love. When will we open our eyes and realize that there are far more important things to worry about then who loves who and who wants to marry who? Gay rights, especially gay marriage, still being debated goes to show that we really are a group of entitled, selfish children. We really haven't come that far.

Victim Shaming.

For some reason, I had heard very little about the Steubenville, Ohio rape case before this morning. It wasn't until I saw a status update on Facebook that I decided to research it a little more. From what I had heard within the eleven or twelve hours between when I first read about it and now, a sixteen year old girl had been raped by two high school boys and the media was doing its best to make the rapists seem like the victims.

I really didn't think people could be that stupid. The rapists are suddenly the victims? Come on now. So I used the handy dandy Google to look into it. Literally the first article that came up was from CNN, the news network that was being bashed on Facebook for victimizing the rapists. You can read it here.

The story I got from this article was really close to the one from earlier, it just filled in some of the details. There was a sixteen year old girl who got really drunk at an end of summer party in August. Somehow these two football players got a hold of her and violated her in some way. Pictures were taken, some of it was recorded on people phones, tweets were made.... it goes on and on. The two football players, Trent Mays and M'alik Richmond were found guilty of raping the girl.

First thing that popped into my head: It doesn't seem like they're trying to victimize the rapists.... I had heard that CNN had said that the girl had "ruined the lives of these promising boys," that they had had "such great futures ahead of them," and "so much to offer to society." This article (from CNN) said no such thing. Yes, the video included showed Richmond breaking down into tears in court while apologizing for his crime, but he said, "I would like to apologize to you. I had no intention to do anything like that, and I'm sorry to put you guys through this. I just want you to realize that I'm sorry. I know I ruined her life, for life" (1:43-2:10), not "She wanted it, she was dressed like she wanted it, she was drunk, she made me do it, its her fault and I'm the victim." It said nothing like that in the article or the video. In fact, included in the video was a statement made by Ohio Attorney General Mike Dewine. "There seems to be an unbelievable casualness about rape and about sex. Its a caviler attitude, a belief that somehow there isn't anything wrong with any of this." There is absolutely nothing ok about rape. Everything is wrong about it. It is a stripping of human dignity and pride, an assertion of power over the unwilling.

Second thing that popped into my head: They received very light sentences. Put together, they didn't even amount to five years in a juvenile facility. They raped a girl, they should be really, really punished! How is it that they only received one year and three years apiece? I've been sitting here thinking for about an hour now and I still cannot come up with a good excuse. They raped the girl. They performed a sexual act on her without her consent, while she was drunk and unconscious no less. And then they took pictures and videos and sent them around the internet. They tweeted and texted about it to their friends. This girl didn't ask for that to happen to her, I can't think of anyone that would. That is a scaring and hurtful thing. If I was in her position, I would want to literally pack up my things and move to a different state where nobody knew me and I could start fresh. Who gave those boys the right to humiliate her in such a horrible way? And it doesn't matter that they didn't actually have sexual intercourse with her, RAPE is RAPE. They VIOLATED her. She was UNCONSCIOUS. There was no CONSENT. That is RAPE.

Third thing that popped into my head: Mays is a straight up asshole. Instead of apologizing for RAPING the girl, he says, "No pictures should have been sent out, let alone taken." That wasn't the problem kiddo, you must have missed the point entirely. You raped someone, the pictures are nothing compared to that. Put this kid back in Pre-K, he needs to start over with life. He's got some serious common sense issues to sort through.

Fourth thing that popped into my head (and my heart): It's really sad that rape is even a problem. We should all have mutual respect and compassion for one another. We shouldn't have to put high school children in juvenile facilities because they decided it was ok to abuse another human being in such a disgusting way. That shouldn't be happening. Society has become so desensitized and cruel. It is not ok to rape people, and the fact that there needs to be some kind of reminder is unnerving. It should just be common sense.

If you've been raped, there are plenty of hotlines you can call for help, one of which is the National Sexual Assault Hotline (1-800-656-HOPE). Please, speak out and help raise awareness of rape and victim shaming. We shouldn't have to remind people to be decent human beings.